My lover’s shrine

This winding road will take me to you
Across the mountains and the swirling falls
As I pass the last birch tree by the lake
I will finally be at home with you!
When I close my eyes, I see your flushed cheeks,
And your hazel blue eyes glued on to my face
As we sat on that old garden swing
Beside the white rose bush where shared our first kiss
It seems like a million heart beats ago,
But my lips still burns from the heat of that kiss
And my hunger for you has grown boundless and strong
Even with the distances that kept us apart!
I am back, to keep my promise to you;
Back as I can’t bear being without you;
Back to where it all started,
Back to where it all should end.

You would be where I had left you then
Four feet away from the big wooden fence
Under the flowery carpet of the cherry blossoms
Besides the boulder that marks your shrine!
No one would ever know where you are,
For you are just mine to be found.
I hid you, my precious, from the prying eyes of the world
Built you a safe haven, where you would always stay mine!
You gasped in surprise as my knife tore your heart,
And it killed a part of me to see the hurt cloud your eyes!
Did you stop loving me as you went limp in my arms?
As my warm kiss caressed your cold cheeks, did you know I had no other choice?
I never betrayed you, never stopped loving you for once
I did it for us, for you and me, my love!
When you no longer could see the truth;
When you thought you loved me no more,
How could I not save you one last time?
Wouldn’t it have hurt you more being with someone else?
But I thought I could leave you here
And that your memories would keep me strong.
Though you live within me every second I breathe,
And you thrive in my dreams and in my every thought,
It took all these years to see
That it is not enough anymore!
A part of me rests with you under that dirt,
And tonight it’s time for the whole of me to be with you again!
The shadows have grown longer
And the wind is howling like a lunatic, reminding me of you!
As I see the last birch tree by the lake,
I can’t wait to be back in your arms.


I love like there is no tomorrow

I would write love notes to you
And sign them with the deep crimson of my blood
With every breath I take
I would inhale in a little more of you
With every step I take
I would move an inch closer
Until our thoughts entangle
and our hearts beat in harmony
You would no more be who you are
And I would no more be who I am
My love would devour our souls
Ripping them apart!
You would then regret seeking me out
And you’ll learn that
my love doesn’t mellow out
And that it would burn us with it’s magnitude!
So I let you go
Before its too late
Before I can do that no more
Before I start loving you
As I know no other way to love
I love like there is no tomorrow.

My Life · random

This is not fair

The world we live in is one unfair place. It is biased towards one particular class of people and people like us just suck that up and act as if it is not an issue at all.

Well, this world always favors early risers. If you are unable to wake up early in the morning, your life is doomed. Your life will be full of messy hair days, wrinkled clothes, burnt toast, skipped breakfasts, speeding tickets and shame. You will have to sneak into your work place every single day, you head hung low, praying frantically that no one notices you. And there will always be those traitors, few ‘early rising very punctual’ colleagues, who would give you a knowing smile as soon as they see you.Of course,their smile is always accompanied by a mocking question “running late??”. Well no,I am just on time as per my biological clock.

And then on days, when you manage to drag your sorry ass off the bed an hour early and finally make to the office on time, the same group of losers will feign surprise and pass comments  like..”Wow, I guess its gonna snow today even though it summer, look who is here on time…”. Ha ha, very funny.

I understand why this early to rise early to bed routine came into being. Sun was the only source of our light and our life depended on it. But that was centuries ago. Why do we have to cling on to that old school stuffs in this new era when it doesn’t matter any more.?Why should I not sleep when I want to and work when I want to? Why are we still stuck in that stone age?

I know there are work places that allows flexibility in their timings. But what can one do when the rest of the world doesn’t comply with this much required luxury? Schools start at 8 in the morning. EIGHT for god’s sake! Well if that doesn’t mortify you, the school bus pick up time is 7:15 am. And mind you I am talking about kids as young as 5 years!

So adding a good 30  mins for brushing, bathing and other daily business and at least 15 minutes for breakfast, kids need to wake up at least by 6:30 am. And what about the unfortunate parents? No ,I don’t even want to think about it.

Late risers are denied so many basic rights. We don’t get time to sip our morning coffee in peace, we can’t go for morning jogs, we can’t  cook a healthy lunch, we can’t even spend more than 5 minutes to tame our wild hair. We are always looked down upon. We are always left breathless after the morning rush which ends up  ruining our whole day. And on the top of all of these we are always made to feel guilty. We are reduced to a lower level of existence.

And if you haven’t learnt the truth yet, it’s not something that could be mended, waking up late I mean. Research has proved that the brain structure of the night owls are very different from that of the so called morning people. Is that our fault that we are wired differently ? So what if we don’t want to wake up early, shouldn’t we be given an equal opportunity to lead a hassle free life? Why this discrimination?

Ah..I can’t even envision myself waking up at 6 every single day for the rest of my life. I can surely foresee my kid missing the bus and reaching the school late at least a couple of times. This is not fair!


A house, a ghost and Philip Norman Part III


“So how are things going?”, Lizy asked me as we sat watching Law and Order at her place a week later.

“Not bad”, I replied. In fact things have been good so far.I have been working my ass off. It was late spring and the most busy season for someone in landscaping business. Winters are usually slow for us, sometimes edging on scary. Last year we survived solely on a few snow blowing jobs. The good thing is that I get to hire most of my workers seasonally.It is a risk, sometimes one can end up with no good laborers during the busiest weeks. But this year I think I got lucky, most of the lads who worked for me last year have come back.We have got the contracts from two major corporate business parks and a new community with around 15 houses under construction.

“And how are you finding the house”, Lizy pressed. I did not reply. Yes, there was definitely something off in my new home. But I did not find it very concerning.

“Jeff told me that the workers are a bit paranoid”, Lizy added.

“Most of them are young and stupid”, I justified. Yes, I was aware of the talks that went behind my back.  “And most importantly, they don’t get to spend any time in the house, now that they are mostly stuck at the work sites.I don’t understand why they make up all these stories. I am the one who lives there and I don’t find anything out of ordinary”

“Phil…look at me”, Lizy switched off the TV. I reluctantly tore my eyes off the screen and looked at her. ” I distinctly heard the whisper”, she spoke in a low voice.

“I doubt it”, I said without breaking the eye contact.

She raised her eye brows and I continued. “I am sure Jeff had already filled you about the rumors before you visited the house. And you just imagined things”.Lizy was a fitness instructor and Jeff, my work supervisor, was one of her first and oldest clients. They spoke almost everyday.

“So what?” Lizy became defensive.” I did not imagine that voice. It was so disturbing, I still can’t sleep at night”.

I smiled and shrugged. “And I have been asking around..”, Lizy continued.

“Of course, you have been..”, I rolled my eyes.” Now why don’t you stop and let it be? There is nothing wrong with my home, period”

“And I have been hearing stories”, Lizy continued as if I had not spoken.

“About the last owner running away in her sexy nightwear? It’s a pretty scandalous picture”. I joked.

“Wait..what?”, Lizy was all ears.”Where did you hear that?”

“My real estate agent told me. A few seconds before I was about to sign the contract. Apparently the ghost had scared the shit out of her ”

“And you don’t think you should have asked around before signing the contract”, she looked at me as if she had just discovered that her brother was the stupidest person to walk on the face of the earth.

“I don’t believe in these ghosts,supernaturals or whatever. And even if I do, I don’t think it’s a big deal, big enough to let go the only option to save my sorry ass ” And with that I snatched the remote off her hand and switched back the TV on.

To be continued


A house, a ghost and Philip Norman- Part II


“I hope you are not serious”, I replied after a few minutes.

Monique shook her head slowly.” I know you are going to think I am crazy, but the last owner herself had confided in me. She is an old friend, you know! In fact one night she was so scared that she had left the house in the middle of the night, not even bothering to change from her PJs. And she never had the nerve to go back in there after that, not even to get her stuffs.”. Monique paused, her eyes as wide as a pair of saucers.”If you believe in God, then you have to prepare yourself to accept the fact that there are evil forces out there”, she added in a hoarse voice that I found a little hilarious.

I wanted to tell her that I don’t believe in anything except one dollar McD burger.But I bit my tongue and swallowed back those words. “Well, thanks Ms Sasha for your concern, but I don’t believe in such things”,I added politely.

She kept looking at me for a while, and I saw her wide eyes fill with pity.”Well, Mr Norman, that means I should be congratulating the new home owner”, she forced a smile. “But I suggest you at least have your house blessed by a pastor. I can recommend some one good”,

“Yeah, may be I will. I will get in touch”. I added and she shrugged. Then I went back to what I was doing, pretending that the conversation never happened.

The deal was too good to let go and I was desperate for a decent space to restart my landscaping business. Falling out with my previous partner had resulted in a huge financial mess and we had to sell the property we co owned. After dividing the money and paying of a few odd debts, I was not left with much.I knew I couldn’t afford anything fancy and this house was the best thing that had happened to me in a long long while. And even if I wanted to back off from the deal, I couldn’t. I only had a week more to move my tools and nursery from the old place we just sold. I had been looking for an apt place for about two months. I had almost given up when this deal came through as a blessing. A crazy story about a non existent ghost was not enough to dampen my spirits.

I signed the contract on the same day. My mortgage was approved without any issues. Finally I felt relaxed, my life was back on track!


She was right. Monique I mean. There is something wrong with this house.

Everything went as smoothly as I had dreamed. The nursery was set up. One of the bedroom was conveniently converted as the office room and the small out house was perfect as the worker’s lounge. However, within a week of moving in I knew it was in there-the ghost or what ever it was- as it became an ever lingering presence around me. I just shrugged off the feeling in the beginning. May be my mind was playing tricks on me, may be the warning that Monique had given me was buried deep within my subconscious mind, causing me to imagine things that were not actually there.

But then my workers started complaining that they could feel cold spots through out the house. Lizy, my sister, came visiting one day and freaked out when she heard some one whispering in the visibly empty hallway. Another night I was watching the TV and felt all the hairs on my body stand up- literally. No, I did not leave the house in my PJs in the middle of the night, not only because they were in such a sorry-tattered state, but also due to the fact that did not feel in any immediate mortal danger. I was not going to let any one, dead or alive, ruin my chance at a better life!



A house, a ghost and Philip Norman

“Mr Norman”

Monique, my real estate agent-in fact my very pretty and overwhelmingly sexy real estate agent- interrupted me .I  was sitting across her in her office reading the sales contract I was about to sign.

I looked up from the documents I was reading- or at least pretending to read- to see her nervously lick her lips. “I have to tell you something, I was debating if I should just let it be, but I guess I won’t get a good night’s sleep without letting you know”

I felt a small ray of hope rising in my heart. Me and Monique had spent so much time together in the past two months, looking at one house after the other and may be, just may be, she has developed some inexplicable liking towards me. So what if I was way beneath her league, don’t they say love is blind!

“Yes, Miss Sasha, go ahead”, I encouraged her and noted that my voice came out a bit more huskier than I had intended it to be.

Monique blushed a little and she bit her lips as if trying to figure out how to proceed. And I suddenly started to have not very appropriate visions that involved me, Monique and a candle lit bathtub. “Well, Mr Norman. I know how much buying this house means to you. But my firm had not been very honest about this whole deal.”, she blurted out after a while

“What??”, I croaked rather gracelessly, disappointment and panic rising within me. “What’s wrong? Is this some kind of scam?” I asked, my glance flickering between the documents, that I had failed to decipher in spite of trying so hard for the last 30 minutes, and her very flushed face.

“No..No Mr.Norman”, Monique exclaimed,”there is nothing’s wrong with the contract. It’s all fool proof”. She assured.

I looked at her quizzically expecting an explanation.

“You see, it is the house. There is something wrong with the house you are about to buy”

Yes, I knew it. How else did I end up with this ‘so good to be true’ deal? I mean, a house in 1 acre land in a decent locality costing only $200,000, way way below the market price. It did come up a few times- my father had expressed his doubts, so did a few friends. But I had downplayed it, proclaiming that I was one lucky bastard.

“What’s wrong”, my voice was unnaturally low.

Monique opened and closed her mouth like a goldfish. I raised my eyebrows and continued to glare at her.

“I was assured a good commission Mr.Norman, but you see, I am a honest woman. I would have never found peace if I had tricked a hardworking person like you”, she finally said.

“Well, I appreciate that, Miss Sasha”, I replied flatly. “But for heaven’s sake, what’s wrong with the house, is it not structurally sound?”

“No..you had it inspected, remember. Also our firm has every single house inspected by a very reliable professional before we undertake any sale”, She became defensive.

“Then what is it- a rattle snake infestation? Or will I have drug mafia kings as neighbors or has somebody buried twenty odd dead bodies in the basement?”, I almost shouted.

She moved back a few inches, looking at me as if I was insane. Then she cleared her throat and met my stare. “Mr Norman”, Monique almost whispered,” The house you are about to buy is haunted”

I just sat there, with my mouth sagged open. After I while I managed to find my voice,”Is this some kind of joke?”, I looked around to see if somebody was hiding  behind the doors ready to jump out singing “Tricked ya…”. But no one did. So I sat looking at this extremely beautiful woman, who by the way was acting incredibly weird, deciding whether I should just laugh out loud or be offended.



Being a Mother

Baby-Hand-Holding-Finger from gaia_health dot com

You would have fared better
If left unborn.
Only if I had let them seize you away
From the darkness of my womb!
It might not have hurt
As much as it hurt today!
Only if I had not let you be;
Only if I had not let you live!

I was a coward,
I couldn’t do what I should have done;
My hands trembled as I turned away
And walked as far as my legs would carry me
From that old tattered building
where your fate could have been sealed;
Where you could have been freed
From all the miseries that lay waiting

I was scared!
I thought if I ignore you
you would go away,
leaving me with one less thing
to feel guilty about.
But you kept growing
strong and big
as each day passed, you bloomed;
within me you thrived!
You kicked and writhed
reminding every second
that you were very much there.
And in seeped a tide of fear
Oh God, what was I going to do?

I could have given you away,
Sent you somewhere far!
I could have found someone –
To take you under their wings;
To love you as much as you deserved to be loved;
Someone who would watch you grow
And beam with pride as they do!
Someone, not a bit like me
Someone, worthy of you!
You should have never known me
Maybe then you would have had a chance!

But no, as I watched you squirming in my arms
Your delicate hands gripping my finger
And your big wide eyes
Staring at my tattered face
I lost my resolve!
Now, pardon me son
Being the selfish soul I am,
I could do it no more, not even for you!
May be I saw a ray of hope,
Dreamed of happiness that might finally come
I saw us walking hand in hand
Down the aisle of misery and joy
I know you would have been better off else where
But maybe I deserved one last chance
To be your mother,
To love you as I never thought I could!

And I failed
As miserably as I have all my life
Now I wish I could go back in time
I wish I had done what was right
And spared you all the pain
I wish I hadn’t burdened you
With the bitter taste of my poisonous love
I wish you didn’t have to flaunt
All those scars of my broken soul!
I never deserved you,
I wish I had accepted it when I first knew!