This winding road will take me to you
Across the mountains and the swirling falls
As I pass the last birch tree by the lake
I will finally be at home with you!
When I close my eyes, I see your flushed cheeks,
And your hazel blue eyes glued on to my face
As we sat on that old garden swing
Beside the white rose bush where shared our first kiss
It seems like a million heart beats ago,
But my lips still burns from the heat of that kiss
And my hunger for you has grown boundless and strong
Even with the distances that kept us apart!
I am back, to keep my promise to you;
Back as I can’t bear being without you;
Back to where it all started,
Back to where it all should end.
You would be where I had left you then
Four feet away from the big wooden fence
Under the flowery carpet of the cherry blossoms
Besides the boulder that marks your shrine!
No one would ever know where you are,
For you are just mine to be found.
I hid you, my precious, from the prying eyes of the world
Built you a safe haven, where you would always stay mine!
You gasped in surprise as my knife tore your heart,
And it killed a part of me to see the hurt cloud your eyes!
Did you stop loving me as you went limp in my arms?
As my warm kiss caressed your cold cheeks, did you know I had no other choice?
I never betrayed you, never stopped loving you for once
I did it for us, for you and me, my love!
When you no longer could see the truth;
When you thought you loved me no more,
How could I not save you one last time?
Wouldn’t it have hurt you more being with someone else?
But I thought I could leave you here
And that your memories would keep me strong.
Though you live within me every second I breathe,
And you thrive in my dreams and in my every thought,
It took all these years to see
That it is not enough anymore!
A part of me rests with you under that dirt,
And tonight it’s time for the whole of me to be with you again!
The shadows have grown longer
And the wind is howling like a lunatic, reminding me of you!
As I see the last birch tree by the lake,
I can’t wait to be back in your arms.
I would write love notes to you
And sign them with the deep crimson of my blood
With every breath I take
I would inhale in a little more of you
With every step I take
I would move an inch closer
Until our thoughts entangle
and our hearts beat in harmony
You would no more be who you are
And I would no more be who I am
My love would devour our souls
Ripping them apart!
You would then regret seeking me out
And you’ll learn that
my love doesn’t mellow out
And that it would burn us with it’s magnitude!
So I let you go
Before its too late
Before I can do that no more
Before I start loving you
As I know no other way to love
I love like there is no tomorrow.
You would have fared better
If left unborn.
Only if I had let them seize you away
From the darkness of my womb!
It might not have hurt
As much as it hurt today!
Only if I had not let you be;
Only if I had not let you live!
I was a coward,
I couldn’t do what I should have done;
My hands trembled as I turned away
And walked as far as my legs would carry me
From that old tattered building
where your fate could have been sealed;
Where you could have been freed
From all the miseries that lay waiting
I was scared!
I thought if I ignore you
you would go away,
leaving me with one less thing
to feel guilty about.
But you kept growing
strong and big
as each day passed, you bloomed;
within me you thrived!
You kicked and writhed
reminding every second
that you were very much there.
And in seeped a tide of fear
Oh God, what was I going to do?
I could have given you away,
Sent you somewhere far!
I could have found someone –
To take you under their wings;
To love you as much as you deserved to be loved;
Someone who would watch you grow
And beam with pride as they do!
Someone, not a bit like me
Someone, worthy of you!
You should have never known me
Maybe then you would have had a chance!
But no, as I watched you squirming in my arms
Your delicate hands gripping my finger
And your big wide eyes
Staring at my tattered face
I lost my resolve!
Now, pardon me son
Being the selfish soul I am,
I could do it no more, not even for you!
May be I saw a ray of hope,
Dreamed of happiness that might finally come
I saw us walking hand in hand
Down the aisle of misery and joy
I know you would have been better off else where
But maybe I deserved one last chance
To be your mother,
To love you as I never thought I could!
And I failed
As miserably as I have all my life
Now I wish I could go back in time
I wish I had done what was right
And spared you all the pain
I wish I hadn’t burdened you
With the bitter taste of my poisonous love
I wish you didn’t have to flaunt
All those scars of my broken soul!
I never deserved you,
I wish I had accepted it when I first knew!
Living in a cocoon
I saw the world from within;
cushioned in the warmth of love and care!
Nothing touched me;
the wall around kept me safe and sound,
concealing me from all wicked eyes!
My world was my own
It was a joyful place;
a place where the dreams reigned
And laughter rang clear!
Though sometimes through my windows
I saw things bad;
and they did move my heart
I shed a few tears,
for a moment feel dutifully guilty
may be I should have done a thing or two?
or may be not
Who was I to change
things beyond my doors?
and then I sighed in relief
it was some one else out there
it was not me,
it will never be me…
I never understood
as I went back into my trance,
dreaming of wings and colors!
and then one day
They yanked me out into the cold
I watched my home burn
and my walls disappear
I had no wings to fly
the colors I dreamed of
blended into an ugly gray!
They slapped me,disrobed me;
snatched away my dreams,
my happiness, my world!
They laughed at my helpless tears
And gritted through their teeth
that my world was a mirage,
and my cocoon a fantasy!
And I yelped in pain
I shivered in humiliation
And looked around for a soothing hug
a whisper of warmth
a nod of compassion!
but all I saw
were a thousand faces
gazing through the windows
of those sheltered cocoons;
And I saw in them pity,
indifferent, cold pity!
I looked up to the skies
and I cursed my existence
But never did I dare to complain.
I just wished I knew better then,
when I was one of them,
when some pair of dejected eyes
paused on my face
searching for a hint of smile!
You have been gone for a while
As the days have grown into years
And the seasons came and went as before
It was just me who refused to budge!
And tonight it’s again the lonely me
and your raw memories, mourning together one last time!
As I sit huddled amidst all other things you could’t take,
breathing in the last whiff of your existence!
I have boxed all your clothes,
your favorite tees,jeans and shirts
(And even that lacy weird tuxedo
that I’m sure you won’t miss a bit!)
Your books and discs, your good old chums,
they lie on the porch awaiting their new homes,
to be something more than just the ghosts of your past,
impatient to be enjoyed again!
That wall looks bare and stripped
Without your pictures to flaunt.
And in my heart your memories await,
bundled and scared, I promise they will be the last things to go!
The house is asleep as the night grows old
And my cheeks are still wet from those tears,
the tears that I’ll have promised to disown
as the new dawn dares to tread the skies!