My Life · Opinion

Rants of a novice parent

I don’t usually give out parenting advises or opinions. When somebody I know of talks about some ‘child issues’, I just nod empathetically and tell them that they would surely figure things out or ask if they had tried googling for a solution?
That is because I don’t consider myself an ideal parent.On a scale from one to ten , I would give me a 3.
We should practice before we preach right? So I just zip my mouth shut.

Another reason is that I just hate these ‘parenting experts’.Ok, hate is a strong word. May be I don’t hate them, but I am kinda intimidated by them. Because I know they give the facts and I feel so inefficient and incapable when I read through their dos and don’ts. Most of their don’ts turns out to be my dos and so you can guess why I am not so fond of them.
I had always envisioned myself as the perfect mother. I never had trouble around kids my whole life. In fact, I used to get along with almost all kind of children and I kinda thought I am one of those woman who was born to be a mother. Little did I know about the difference between keeping the child engaged for a few hours and being the mother of one!

I used to imagine me and my child doing jigsaw puzzles, painting , making shapes with play dough. When I was pregnant, I used to tell my husband that we should sell or dispose off out TV before the baby came out!
Well, motherly instincts did not kick in as dramatically as I had expected. Nothing was like I had pictured. Being a parent was exhausting for me and to add on I had these parenting advises on how to rear your baby perfectly.
No screen time until the baby turns two and no more than 2 hours screen time after 2.
No shouting at your child.
No junk food and no force feeding.
No bribing, no pressurizing.
Set the limits, but don’t be controlling
etc. etc.
I mean do every body follow ALL these rules?

I recently read an article which said yelling at your child might permanently brain damage your kid(so do watching TV for more than 2 hours.)

I must confess that I do lose my cool sometimes and I shout at my daughter. I had assumed every parent did at one point or another. But, I could be wrong.May be most of the Mothers out there are super calm and never hyper ventilate when they see shoes on the kitchen counter top or a chicken leg in the bath room or the whole array of toys tossed all over the house. I bet they don’t even scowl when their kids want to go to bed in the glittery princess dress, with their shoes on!
(Or may be their kids are so well behaved that they don’t even dream of doing the above mentioned silly stunts)
Am I proud that I shout at my kid? I am not!

I am filled with remorse once I do that.I don’t think that it is the most effective child management technique. I too have read that by yelling at your kids you are just making it evident to the kid that you have lost control and putting them in charge.Experts tell that by yelling at your kids you make them potential yellers themselves.I try to imagine my daughter being a chronic screamer and all those Dr Phil episodes in which the psycho man/woman solemnly shakes his/her head and says ‘I had a disturbed childhood, my mother was a monster’comes rushing to my mind.
I shout because of my frustration, when I feel incompetent for not having the ‘matters under my control’.I do it in my moments of helplessness and weakness. It all happens in the spur of the moment and I do regret it afterwards. But damage done is done right :(!

I read all parenting articles, in fact I have subscribed to quite a few parenting newsletters. All the experts come out there and tell me what is wrong, they tell me how to ideally do things. And I know that I am doing it wrong. Like the other day I just put her a cartoon and comfortably finished off my novel when ideally I should have read her a poem or something.
I do let her eat cupcakes and chocolate biscuits because she keeps bugging me for them when ideally I should give her healthy snacks like carrot sticks!
I force her to eat when she refuses her dinner when I know that would make her hate eating altogether.
I let her sleep late and wake up late on weekends (because that is my weekend routine) when ideally I should keep her routines consistent.
I sometimes offer her bribe (like ‘I will buy you chocolates next time we go to shop if you eat all these broccoli’) because sometimes nothing else works
When I watch movies or some programs on TV, I see my daughter watching with me and I guiltily let her.
I threaten her with boo boo man or monsters in the closet when she refuses to sleep at night, which I know is something I should never do.
Oh my God, I know all the theory! But, is it always possible to be a calm, perfect, flawless parent? My daughter is just three and half and I am dreading the years ahead.

Am I really a bad mother ?(At this point I expect at least some of you to reassure me that I am not and it’s fine,it happens to all of us sometime or other -please,please,please!).
I don’t want my baby to be brain or ear damaged,I don’t want her to hate me, I don’t want her to think her mother is out of control. I just want her to have a great life, I want her to be a good person.

I love her so so so much, more than I thought I was capable of. I too want to be that proud perfect Mom that they show in the ‘Celebrating Motherhood’ kinda ad who beams proudly at their kid’s success and exchange teary hugs knowing they did the perfect things while raising their kids!  I want my daughter to have a perfect Mother.

But how?

I know what I want, some really cool parenting advise (*dashing back to the parenting sites*)!

(I don’t hate parenting advises, they have helped me a lot at some points.I was just trying to tell…you know what I mean…just ignore the rants of an inefficient Mother)


2 thoughts on “Rants of a novice parent

  1. You know what, between my wife and me, we have pretty much used every tactic that you have mentioned in this post, yelling, screaming, threatening, scaring, and everything else that you talked about in the two years that we have had our little girl. My opinion on this topic is this, as long as you are not taking your parenting behavior to either extreme (too strict or too relaxed) you are fine, and I am sure your child will understand when he/she grows up.

    1. i hope i am not taking my behavior to extreme :)…i hv told my daughter to tell me that im not supposed to shout when i start doing so…but the thing is that she keepsa telling me Amma no shouting even when i raise my voice even a lil 🙂

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